E-Z Hang Antenna LauncherI recently ordered an item online. I do that every once in a while and have become pretty comfortable doing so. Usually, I get an email to confirm the order and they are usually pretty dry. This one, though, was great, so I thought I’d share it with you.

The merchandise I ordered was pretty mundane, but the place that I found with what I needed, at the best price, was one of those knife places that sell everything from tasers to nunchucks, to pepper spray, as well as knives. I was only ordering some replacement rubber bands for my wrist-rocket slingshot, which I use to put lines up into trees to hold up antennas. The slingshot has a fishing reel mounted on it and you shoot the sinker over a branch to pull up a rope.

Reading their site, I found out that my wrist-rocket slingshot is considered in New York State to be a dangerous weapon and is a misdemeanor to own! Well, I hope with the fishing reel attached, it is clearly a tool, not a weapon and I don’t intend to let that stop me.

Here’s the order confirmation I received. It’s a hoot. Sensitive information has been changed, but otherwise it is untouched.

Order Confirmation 	 
Order Number: 	1234567890 	Order Date: 	March 10, 2009
Payment Type: Visa
Order Details
Product Name 	Quantity 	Price 	Extended Price
Marksman Slingshot Replacement Kit 	2.0 	$x.xx 	$x.xx
  	  	Tax 	$0.00
  	  	Shipping	$x.xx
  	  	Order Total 	$xx.xx
Billed To
Albert Gritzmacher
Lockport, NY 14095 US
Shipped To
Albert Gritzmacher
Lockport, NY 14094 US
Order Status
If you chose to register for an account Click Here to View 
Order Status
Thank you for your recent purchase from xxxxxxxxx.
By making your purchase you agreed to the terms and 


I ask for your phone number because I don’t like FRAUD 
and I will call you if I don’t like what I see. So if you give 
me a fake phone number, your order will be voided and 
I will report you to your local police for theft of a credit 
card and call the credit company to terminate the card.

If you are an International Customer, then please understand 
that shipping expenses for items will be adjusted. Certain 
items can only ship by themselves to avoid issues with Customs. 
If you have questions about this then email me direct at 

I ship everything with Tracking Numbers to all US customers.

If you were smart enough to become a registered user then 
you will have the privilege of being able to look at your order 
history and look at each ticket for the details and tracking 
information will be updated on each ticket.

If you have a problem with the order and you were not thinking 
and did not register to be able to see your up to date information, 
then email me with the order number and your name and I can 
assist you.

We do not live on Mars and do not have tractor beams or 
teleporters so do not be crazy, orders are delivered by USPS 
or UPS depending on the size of the order.

Allow me at least 2 days to prepare the order because I do 
have a life and I do not run out the minute the order is placed 
to mail it. Then allow normal shipping times of 3 to 5 days as 
this is normal delivery times.

Realize things take time for me to handle them and time to 
deliver them.

I do respond to peoples emails but do not email me multiple 
times because I move you to the back of the line with the 
300 emails a day I get. Childish behavior puts you at the end 
of the line.

You will get a response from me personally, but realize I am 
not some dipshit in Pakistan sitting behind a desk and being 
polite to you. I am an individual who speaks the truth and I 
am harsh and to the point.

So be warned I will answer stupid questions with an educated 
view but will not take into consideration your female emotions. 
I respect the fact that you might be gay but I am not so do 
not expect me to get in touch with my feminine side and 
appease you emotionally and talk to you like some pussy 
because it will not happen.

If you do not like that then go back to getting automated 
responses to your questions from some foreigner who could 
give a rats ass about you and most likely would like to see 
you killed preferably by be-heading.

To all of you who are respectful and read things then I thank 
you for your purchase and I will be more than happy to help 
you with any questions at all because I only give respect to 
people who show respect.

This message is from JB, the owner, the manager, the shipper, 
the President, the CEO, the normal down to Earth Person.

It just makes me feel good that I’m dealing with a real person like that!